1 Year From Now

There are important moments in my life that I know I want to incorporate into A Neighbor to Blue. Which ones? How specific should I get? How much should I change? I have no idea. I think I will figure it out as I go. Part of me thinks it'll be good idea to get out the intense scenes first and find a place for them later. There is no wrong way to write a story. If that's what I'm drawn towards why not try it? So without further ado, here is one of the scenes I plan to include:

While I position the camera in front of me I can feel my heart start to race. Putting one's soul on display like this isn't an easy ask, and still I breath through the anxiety and press play. 

You look down at the camera and refuse to make eye contact, "I guess I know that nothing is guaranteed, and I know that anything could happen between now, and here, and, I mean, fucking anything, um, but if I'm sure about something, if I was giving one thing that I could absolutely be sure about...is that I'll be with you.

I've been thinking about telling you this... today, actually, and so I feel like, um, I should tell you this now. I figured this could be a good reminder a year from now as well. But I feel like, with most of my relationships, I've always had one foot out of the door. I've always felt like nothing would last, or I knew deep down, nothing would last. And it doesn't even have to be because of the other person. It it, it's....it's my own issues, I guess, and my own doubt that real love is a thing, or if love is a thing that actually lasts. I don't know...my entire life, I've thought it was a fairy tale. 

My entire life. 

I never knew what unconditional love was, and...and now with you all of that has changed. All of it." 

I start to fiddle with my hands, tears streaming down my face now and my heart is only beating faster.

 " I've never felt this in my life. I've never felt so sure. I've never felt like I wanted to fully and 100 % commit to somebody and with moving and everything..... 

I mean, I thought I was gonna do it by myself. I thought when I finally left, I would do it by myself. And now I'm not. And I'm happy with that. I'm actually glad I'm not. I'm glad that you're coming with me. And I'm glad that we are going to start a new life together. I'm so excited and watching this a year from now. I just want you to remember, no matter what spot we're in, as long as we're together, I just want you to remember that I love you. I love you so much.

 Um, I think that's it. I'm in love with you, and I will always love you, and I probably will love you for the rest of my fucking life. And it's scary. 

It's so scary. 

I'm terrified. But I feel so safe with you. I've always felt so safe with you and everything's going to be okay, Everything's gonna be good, we're gonna be happy, and we're gonna get everything that we want. Just stick by me, no matter how bitchy I get, because I can get bitch I-I am ALMOST positive I'm gonna get even bitchier over the next year and we're gonna be mad at each other and we're gonna argue and it's gonna be annoying and i love you.

 ha ha that's, it."